Memento Mori

This is my memento mori: that I will be forever haunted by it.

      Death is not a friendly face. We hate it, spit at it; we wish to declare ourselves immortal. This I seem to see most in the college atmosphere amongst the students. There is no second glance over their shoulders, or beyond the sidewalk they step on. Their life is decided; they know what they want.

      However, when I go home, he  returns. Grinning at me, he says he was there the whole time. I see the decay that time has passed onto the familiar faces in my life. It’s fascinating, yet terrifying. Suddenly, I’m aware of my surroundings; I can actually see everything. I realize that I’m battling my memento mori; but not only my own, but the people I love. I want to fight their fate for them; but inside, I know I cannot.

       Now the ironic part about memento mori and immortality is that I can only feel immortal by knowing memento mori. Silly, I know; but it’s logical. If we ignore death, we cannot fully live. By pretending we do not have a memento mori to come, we are just living without experiencing anything. Yes, you are more than welcome to say “Wait a minute! We do have experiences and we are living.” Yes, but how often do you just walk to class, eat, sleep, and work without really thinking about it? It becomes so basic, so normal that we do not notice anything else around us. We are therefore very close to resembling zombies (not in looks, of course).

      Maybe this is the connection between life and death; that one cannot live without the other. Pretending death is not there means we are already dead. Recognizing death makes us immortal; immortal in the sense that we know we’ll fade away from this world, but we still live on in another. So, we are not really dead. All we have left behind is our memento mori. All that is left is a memory, a reminder of who we were.

      No intimidation is meant, of course. I do not believe that we must always be in the thoughts of our death, of dying. However, let us be mindful of it. Let it wake us up to appreciate our lives a little more. In all honesty, I feel like the world would be a better place if we did this. Not only would we be immortal, but immortal in the knowledge that death leads to life.

"There's a light up ahead!"

No matter where you are, there is always some sort of light. It will normally come when you least expect it to. That light is something that will brighten your day, make every good feeling sweep through your being, leaving you rejoicing. Finally! You can conquer the world!

      Almost all of this week, I have been craving Christmas. Thanksgiving. Halloween. Fall. Winter. I don’t care! I’ve been craving it all! Today definitely felt like autumn, the chill in the air a bit more crisp than usual. I savored it. After a long day like today, that breeze made me believe that I could fly. And a few days ago, I even drank some holiday chai tea (I couldn’t resist it anymore! I had to!). Let that weather come! Let that cheer finally be heard through the streets, and in our homes!

      The holiday seasons are, of course, coming soon. We’ll be hit with them soon enough; but I just want them here so badly. I want it now! I know that this year around, there will be a lot of things that are different (or not tradition); but maybe it’s better that way.

      Besides my yearning for the days ahead, another particular subject that has been embedded in my head recently is ‘opinions’. What would it be like if we were not surrounded by constant views that differed from our own? I suppose our world would be rather boring if that were the case; but I’m just thinking about how life would be if we all just simply agreed. It would definitely take a lot of our problems away. I think of the one line from a Project 86 song, “We’ll find our solace in your silence.” Sometimes, that’s how I feel. I just want everyone to be quiet. The silence can either be deadly or endearing. I’d like to say that it delights me at this point. Opinions can leave a nasty taste on your tongue; especially in college. My classes are filled with the constant debate of worldviews. There are just days where I want to stand up from my desk and say, “How come you think we can just explain our worldviews? It’s not like you’ll agree with everyone here. Stop pushing it so much before we lose our own beliefs!” Okay, that may have been rather strong…but I think you all get the point. Sometimes, arguing your opinion is not only tiring to the one you’re trying to convince, but it makes you tired as well.

      Well, I believe that is all that is on my mind to report as of late. I suppose the only other statement I could make known is that I’m hoping sometime soon, by some miracle, I can actually do something I love. Please, let the opportunities be open and available, because I’m getting irritated and jumpy to do something adventurous!