Where are you, Gentleman?

      The world of lovers is so complex in such a way that it’s messed up. People are continuously getting hurt by their partners. Bonds are thrown away as though they were nothing but an object. Emotions hang on the line. If we really, truly thought it over, dating is a waste of time. Love in that manner is a waste of energy. It makes me wonder whether we were truly made for anyone out there in the world…

      The specific question I asked myself this morning after I woke up was whether or not a friendship could exist where neither admitted their feelings to one another, but just kept their friendship alive. I mean, I know we fear to even let our true intentions out in the open. What would happen if we did? Is it possible that the person who you were always meant to marry is the one you’ve been friends with for years and years (even back to your childhood)? I want to believe that there is ‘the one’ out there for me; but knowing my standards of men, and my logic in dating hardly permit me to be with anyone for a short period of time. In fact, if we were not friends to begin with, there is no point in us dating. We don’t know one another.

      This just seems so silly to me right now, talking about the one subject that makes me the most frustrated and sick. One, because I see men as arrogant asses half the time, and two…well, maybe there isn’t another number. If there was, maybe it would all come down to respect of dating. It’s always a game to everyone. It’s no game to me. If I were to date, it would be because I’m seriously considering the idea that I’ll be married to that person one day. If dating is not this, I don’t want any part of it.

      Of course, my avid reading and writing of stories makes me pursue the old ways of living, of how the world of love ought to be. I’ll read about true gentlemen, to which I’ll get the response “Those kinds of men don’t exist anymore.” True; as far as I can, there are no gentlemen (especially in my peers). However, I firmly want to believe that somewhere deep down, some secret place inside them that they don’t know about, there is that kind of gentlemen there. It’s been waiting to come to the surface, to at last be born into society. Each man can be a gentleman…once they allow their selves to let go of the typical ways of boys.

      I know this subject probably came from a long conversation I had last night with a friend. We talked a lot about all this (and went into further detail, which I don’t have time to do at the moment). It was a good and refreshing talk. I’m so thankful for the friends that I have, even if they live far away. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. I’m also thankful for my family. They raised me well, and showed me what it really meant to love. I think that as long as I know that in general, I should have no fear of what lay ahead. I’ll wait for my gentleman, even if I have to wait a long time…

Struggling Perspectives

     I couldn't help it today but to think about how all of the different opinions in the world seem to relish in fighting one another. Each belief wants to dominate; that person will think that what they know is truth.

      The only problem in this is how we sift through all these facts in order to find out whether they are truthful or not. It becomes rather difficult to ever have an opinion or a belief without someone else judging it. Sometimes, though, it seems easier to just accept someone else’s beliefs, and just go with it. The only danger in that is whether you’re really being true to yourself, or if you’re a fake.

      This, I believe, is one field that I struggle in quite frequently. It’s not that I am just following what the rest of the world says; it’s more that what I think of the world and what I believe would typically be frowned upon in society.

      What I really question is the reality that each church in the world is separated because of how they believe in God. At first, it never occurred to me how silly that was. Then, it hit me. The truth of what I was taught becomes more apparent to me than before.

      One, let’s look at how the church has ingrained us with their teachings. I’m not complaining about how they teach; what I am comparing, though, is how each church makes sure you know that what they teach is the ‘right way’. This is curious to me, because at this point, I don’t believe there is any right way to believe in God. I think what it comes down to is that you do believe in God. As a random example, think about how picky people are about how you worship in church. Some love to dance around and act crazy. Others are reserved and unmoving. Some churches find dancing a terrible thing (although if they saw how David worshipped in the Bible [if I am thinking of the right man], they would be rather astonished.) Others don’t. So….who is right? Who is wrong?

      This is why I find that each church is going to hold a flaw (whether they admit it or not). I will not mention names, but I have heard of a particular situation where a church refused to talk about a certain topic in the Bible. They even said that if anyone wanted to know more about that topic to go to another church to find out. I can only imagine that you all are feeling exactly what I did when I first heard this bit of information. It was absurd, silly, and reckless. Whatever happened to preaching the Word? Picking and choosing what you think is important to talk about in the Bible is not bad…until it takes the big step that I just mentioned. I don’t know if this church was just scared of the topic, or that they didn’t like it. Then again, isn’t that how we all are with Christianity? There are some things we like, and some things we don’t. So, how do we deal with it?

      I’m still working on these thoughts (and it doesn’t help that my humanities class this semester is probably going to make me ponder upon it harder than ever). On that note, I think I will leave my post. It may be a terrible ending; but maybe these are subjects of which you can now think over. I’m not pushing any sort of opinion on you. I just think it’s fair enough for us to ask questions, and to seek answers. It never hurt anyone….

Inspiration comes with the weather.

      I have finally gotten back into writing (for fun, that is). As a matter of fact to you all who may find it hard to write what is on your mind, or what you truly want to get across to people, let the weather inspire you. It truly makes a difference! I was writing on Sunday, and the weather was just spectacular! You could tell that there was snow on the way, but in the process, there were dark, ominous clouds lurking out the window. A terrible wind shook all that surrounded it. I went to open the door to the building where I was at a Christmas party, and the wind threw me outside along with the door. No, the door did not fly off its hinges (haha), but it opened so violently that I just ran along with it, tripping on the sidewalk. So.....yes, I daresay weather will have an impact on the words you put to paper.
      On a different note, I am in the process of enjoying the freedom I've got this week before I head back to school. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it all at this particular moment. There is a part of me that wants to read new stuff; but another part of me is going to miss being able to read whatever I want. Nevertheless, I've got to take what I'm given, and turn it into something useful. Hopefully, my subjects this semester will be interesting enough to make me be okay with going back on campus.
      At this point, I'm anxious to see the world. I will be able to experience a different culture in two months time (which is insane to think about!). I'll be heading to Ireland. It's hard to believe it's going to happen at this point; but the fact of the matter is, I'm finally going out of this country again! It's not that I don't like my country, but I don't like the idea of my country being the only country I know. It was amazing when two years ago, I was able to go to Brazil and Paraguay. It was a refreshing, and crazy experience for me. However, it really opened my eyes to the truth that the world I grew up in and have known forever is not the only world out there. This is why I think it is important for everyone to get at least one chance to travel to another country. It will truly open your eyes.
      Another thing that it will do to you, whether fortunately or unfortunately, is make you eager to travel more. =) I don't look at my eagerness to see the world as bad; but it does reveal the sad reality that I'm not nearly rich enough to just go anywhere I want. In these situations, I just believe and tell myself that money will not stop me from doing what I have always wanted.
      Anyways, I will have to cut this blog short. I'm in the midst of adventuring with  my sister, and it shall commence further! I was just in need to write a new blog. It's been far too long. Have splendid dreams od what you can do in the future!